You know who’s really been abusing Big Government? Babies. Babies, and their constant crying for adequate nutrition. Somehow, we’ve gotten it into our heads that we should be responsible for ensuring that babies get the nutrition they need, even if they come from poor families. But it’s time these babies faced up to reality. They should show some personal responsibility and get a job.

After all, we have bigger priorities these days. We want to balance the federal budget without asking the rich to sacrifice. So somebody’s going to have to step up, and it’s high time babies contributed.

It’s time we put a stop to those greedy newborns sucking on the public teat. That’s why I’m so glad we have Republicans in charge of the House now. They’re taking a stand against babies and pregnant women by cutting programs like WIC that provide essential nutrition for mothers and babies. By asking babies to sacrifice, we can pay for 1/700th of our tax cuts for the rich!

Hey babies — get it through your poorly-supported heads. The gravy train of “sufficient food to support healthy development” is over.